Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
