So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
