Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
