If i come over, it means nothing
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
