Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize