drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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