We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
