i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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