I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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