The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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