Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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