Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
