i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
