Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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