mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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