I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
