I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My pussy is not your playground.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
