dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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