you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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