What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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