There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
