My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
