I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
