Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
