I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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