I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
