The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
