i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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