My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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