he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
