Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
