Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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