Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
