I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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