oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
