I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize