you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
