Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
