Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
