Christians are straight up FREAKS
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
