He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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