i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
