I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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