Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
