oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
