Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize