dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
