im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
from now on my penis is your penis
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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