Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize