i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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