Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
