So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
