Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
