I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
