They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
