I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
