he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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