All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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