found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
