i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
