I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
