doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
