he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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