you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
