It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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