How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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