Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
