I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
