Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize