Cold hands, warm shart.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
