you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
