Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
