So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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